I was playing as a Pyro on the Sawmill map, and managed to sneak onto one of the balconies overlooking the control point without the enemy team noticing. I thought it would be a bright idea to leap down into their midst, set them alight, then make my escape in the ensuing confusion and leave them to burn to death.
I leaped from the balcony, spewing fiery death from above…and landed groin-first on one of the giant saw-blades. For a moment, I straddled the huge blade, my crotch swiftly ground to a bloody paste. Then my corpse slid from the blade in a pathetic-looking fetal position, in front of the baffled and utterly unharmed enemy team.
Here’s a touchin’ story… -Sniper / Neon9745 Ph.D.
Once upon a time I was playing on idle_awesomebox as a sniper (what else?). Literally everyone was friendly. Well, i suppose that wasn’t true. there was one sniper, part of his name was Max, and he was getting aggressive.
I could tell he was a new player because he had absolutely nothing in his backpack (The !bp command can be useful). Noticing this, I tried to explain the concept of friendly players to him but he wouldn’t listen and continued to pointlessly berate his team and attack mine. So Ze Good Doctor here dusted off his Strange Rifle (Still unnamed, unfortunately) and started to kill him back.
He left after a while of my dominating only to return less than a minute later, having cleared the domination. For now. after a while, the others started to notice our antics, and instead of stopping me, or turning the server into a brawl, decided to join me.
Max was now in a predicament. He had a Brass Beast heavy and a Kritz medic waiting for him in the idle-killing room, a small team of two spies waiting on the walkways for him, and myself, holding my rifle and quick-draw reflexes high, waiting for him to stay to line up a shot.
Max, now having had his jimmies thoroughly rustled by seeing his team sit back and watch him get slaughtered, finally changed classes into a rage heavy. It did not end well for him.
This went on for almost half an hour, with Max periodically clearing the dominations through leaving and re-entering, until he finally ragequit for good.
We had a celebratory heavy boxing tournament.
This one happened a little while ago. I was playing Medic (my Mediugn is named ‘Not-Dyin’ Mahcine’), and healing a Soldier who’d been heavily damaged by an attack. I jokingly exclaimed over the mic, “Stop dying! You are not allowed to die! You do not have permission to die! I have the Not-Dyin’ Machine!”
The smartass proceeded to use a kill bind. Both of us had a good chuckle.
One time I was engineering on ctf doublecross. At the start of a new round I was the only engie and I got stuck waiting for pinion forever. By the time I got to the intel to get ready to set up my nest, the enemy team was already approaching.
Outside I could hear them getting into a fight with someone on my team, giving me a few more seconds. I got a level one sentry up but needed more metal. I wasn’t thinking when I went outside the intel room but I swung my wrench in front of me just as a soldier was coming inside. I killed him in one hit. I used the “No” voice command just in time for him to hear before the killcam. One of my favorite moments as an Engineer.
So, I have two seperate stories, both on the same night but not in the same round.
The first one involved me being in 2fort. I had initially wanted to do some other classes but I found myself more often than not failing hardcore and raging. So, I went heavy, since I can heavy fairly well, with my loadout of champions (Botkiller minigun, festive sandvich, strange gru). I started, after a short time, racking up dominations and decimating.
Anyhow, there was this one stretch where our team started spawncamping the main 2fort spawn. I’m particularly against spawncamping, so whenever our team got close I would whip out my GRU and run away, punching snipers on their decks for the lulz. I remember this one particular instance, though, when an Engineer walked out from their spawn and tried to set up in the corner near the hay stacks. I whipped out my GRU, he whipped out his PDA. I jumped in front of him, crouched, and started X-5’ing (“poot dispenser here”). He must have been oblivious, because he stood there for a good 10 seconds with a toolbox, attempted to build a sentry, I punched the sentry, and he promptly got wrecked by my teammates.
The second story took place a little before the previous one. Out of the blue, somebody on my friends list on steam messages me, saying he needs a partner for a small demoknighting competition he and two others I assume were his friends were doing. Despite telling him I’m a terrible demoknight, he ropes me into it anyway. The map ended up being cp_dustbowl, and I was on BLU. For loadout, I chose booties, screen, pan.
Long story short, when I stood triumphantly on the last point of stage 2, our two opponents both ragequit. I looked at the scoreboard before leaving: 9 kills, 1 death.
I am now a firm believer in the pan.
If I go, I’m taking you with me
Once, on a Teufort server, one of the strangest things to ever happen to me occured. I was playing Pyro, as was this other player. Every single time we ran into eachother, we’d both die to the other no matter what. I’d burn him, he’d burn me, we both died at the exact same moment. It got to be so ridiculous after a while that we just stopped killing eachother without discussing it with the other. We’d just step aside in the hallways and let eachother pas to kill our teams.